Honey, Pass the Gummi Bears

I got candy for Mother’s Day. Lots and lots of candy. As much candy as I could carry. It was great! In case you were wondering, I love candy. I live for candy. I could eat candy and only candy all day with a little meal at night to balance all of the sweetness. Gummi bears, SweetTarts, Snickers – I just can’t get enough. In the past, Seth has even mentioned staging an intervention. He quickly discarded that idea when he turned around to find me holding a butcher knife to his neck.

Okay, not really. I love candy, but not enough to threaten my husband with a knife. Although I did meet him at the door with a gun once…but that’s a different story for a different day.
Do you know what the best part about Mother’s Day was? That I am a mother.
Anyone who has known me for a while probably knows that I swore up and down that I never wanted to get married, let alone have kids. I think you can figure out for yourself how that worked out. In my defense, I had no idea that the wild little boy I knew when I was 3 would grow up to be so perfect (and he had no idea that he would marry the dorky homeschooler with pink plastic glasses).
After being married for a couple of years we started talking about kids. Seth thought we should maybe have one and I thought we should maybe have none. I liked kids, but I was pretty sure that I did not want the complete responsibility that would come with having children of my own. Not only that, the whole pregnancy and childbirth thing really had me freaked out.
Although pregnancy and childbirth still freak me out a little the end result was completely worth every second (and I’m not talking about the candy).

Wanted: Middle-age Midwestern Woman Driving Black Ford Pickup

My ambitious husband replaced the ceiling fan in our kitchen on his lunch break today but we didn’t have the right kind of light bulbs for it so we stopped at Fleet Farm after picking my brother David (a.k.a. Abu) up from school tonight. Seth and Jackson went in while David, Tucker, and I waited in the Trailblazer – yes, it takes our entire family to drive across town to get David and no, I do not have any wish to spend time in the place that sucked away 8 years of my life which means I usually wait outside at Fleet Farm.

Seth had pulled through an empty spot (never back up when you can go forward) so we were facing the rear end of a black crew cab Ford pickup parked across the aisle. Before long, a woman came out of the store and started unloading her cart into the pickup. I’m ashamed to say that I proceeded to poke fun at her mom jeans and middle-aged midwestern haircut (you know what I’m talking about). There is no way she could have heard me but that is the only way I can explain what happened next.

As she was getting in her pickup Seth and Jackson came out of the store. Seth was strapping Jackson into his car seat while I watched the black pickup backing up towards us. She backed right up to our front bumper and then must have decided that she had a little more room because she started backing up again. She didn’t stop until she hit us, then she pulled forward a bit and Seth helped her back up until she was able to pull out of her parking spot.

Then she drove away.

No stopping to see if either vehicle was damaged. No thank you to Seth for guiding her out of her parking spot. She just drove away while I wrote down her plate number. Thankfully she did not have a hitch so our bumper is still intact, but her behavior was downright rude and ungrateful.

I can’t really blame her though. If someone made fun of my mom jeans and frumpy hair I’d back into them and drive off too.