But They Look So Sweet and Innocent!

That’s the face of an angel.
There’s another one. To the outside world it might seem as though these two are as angelic as they look.

But don’t let their boyish good looks deceive you. Would little angels spread a bottle of Karo syrup all over the kitchen floor while you are standing right there?

 

This is normal.

Take yesterday for example:

We had never quite finished staining our deck after we started a few weeks ago because it has been raining so often. After our garage sale on Saturday, we painted the living room and hallway after the boys went to bed, so yesterday I decided it was high time to finish the deck before we start any more projects. Namely, remodeling our upstairs bathroom.

All I had left was a second coat on two sections of railing and the floorboards on the 20X12 section of deck. Sounds easy enough doesn’t it?

Let me walk you through how yesterday played out:

2:45am: Tucker wakes up at his usual time and cries until I put him in bed with us. He nurses back to sleep and then wakes up on and off (6 times) to poke my bellybutton, pull my hair, gouge my eyes, pinch me, and nurse until 7:15 when he is up for the day. This is a typical night for us.

7:20am: I jump in the shower and lock Tucker in the bathroom with me so that he doesn’t get into any trouble. That lasts for exactly one minute. I hear shrieks of laughter and find him splashing his hands and his sippy cup in the toilet water.

7:30am: I finish brushing my teeth while keeping one foot firmly planted on the toilet seat behind me. Tucker decides to climb on top of the toilet tank.

8:00am: Tucker eats his usual breakfast of eggs and toast while I fold laundry and unload the dishwasher.

8:20am: Jackson wakes up and I contemplate asking Rachel to watch the boys so that I can stain the deck in peace. Meanwhile they bite my legs, climb on the counters, and make phone calls.

8:40am: Rachel says no. Meanwhile Jackson throws the Dish receiver on the floor and Tucker picks up a piece of baseboard that has not been reattached and starts hitting the walls with it.

9:00am: I go outside with the boys and put them in the sandbox while I start staining the railings. Tucker runs into the road while Jackson opens the shed to play with Seth’s decoys.

9:15am: Tucker alternates between running in the road and grabbing the freshly stained railings. Jackson tries to grab the brush and dip it in the can each time I go to get Tucker.

11:00am: Two hours later after more dashes for the road and Tucker finding a knife I finally finish the two sections of railing and try luring the boys inside with promises of food. When that doesn’t work, I pull them screaming, kicking, and biting, off my brother-in-law’s lawnmower that is sitting next to the road and carry them inside.

After lunch, I put Tucker down for a nap and go back outside with Jackson who refuses to nap and has resorted to trashing his room every time I try to make him take a nap. I stain the floorboards while he alternates between running through the wet stain and trying to tip over the can of stain. He finds a screwdriver which I promptly take away only to turn around and find him holding a bayonet. Don’t ask. Jackson finally goes into the backyard to play in the sandbox only to return carrying his diaper which is now full of poo. He says, “Remember, don’t poop in your diaper”.

I take him inside to wash off the poo and the purple glob of Mederma for Kids that has been in his hair since the day before. He freaks out in the shower and tries to run between my legs leaving me looking as though I wet my pants. Tucker wakes up crying and I bring both boys to the park to meet Krista. When we get there I realize that I forgot to put sunscreen on them at all that day and I also forgot hats. Tucker’s bald little head was already turning pink and both boys’ faces were red. I find a year-old stick of sunscreen in my purse and decide that will have to do.

After the park, we brought Seth something to drink at work, went to the bread store where Jackson smashed every loaf of bread that he could find and then started giving the hot dog buns the same treatment, met Seth at Fleet Farm to get a life jacket for Tucker because we were going fishing, and tried in vain to stop Jackson from using arrows as spears on unsuspecting customers.

After we go to the lake and put the boat in the water we realized that Tucker had a dirty diaper and we had forgotten the diaper bag. I dumped the poo out by some bushes and put the diaper back on him. I know who’s not getting a mother of the year award. The boys spent the entire time either fighting over the same fishing pole, trying to jump in the water, throwing tackle over the side of the boat, and screaming at the top of their lungs when they didn’t get their way.

We put the boys to bed when we got home and Jackson immediately climbed to the top of the shelves in his room and threw everything off the top. I finally convinced him to read books in his bed and went downstairs to watch TV with Seth instead of starting my schoolwork. We woke up some time during the night to go to bed and then at 2:45 Tucker woke up and we started all over again.

By the way, that was a pretty tame day compared to most and I left out about half of what happened because this post was already becoming a book. I love those little boys, but sometimes I can’t wait until I have a job again so that I can miss them.